this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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