You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
