Im at strip club and am horny
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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