went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
