i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
