fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
