Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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