Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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