last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
