I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
