unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
