just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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