Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Found the puke drawer
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
