I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
