great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
