hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
