I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
