I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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