it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Randomize
