one might say we're banned from that church
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
