Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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