bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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