Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
