Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
