i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
