I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
