It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
