This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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