just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
