We named our party play list daddy issues
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
