okay pat passed out under dana's car
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
