if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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