Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
only you would photoshop your dick
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
