i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
