He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
