if i can run in heels then i can drive
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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