hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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