OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
