Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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