I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
