I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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