She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
