I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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