I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
