WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
