first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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