my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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