Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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