Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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