If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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