yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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