I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
