you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
