i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
